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- Isaac Kleiner - A theoretical physicist and former employee of Black Mesa before it was destroyed by invading aliens and a nuclear bomb. Room-mate to Barney Calhoun.
- Barney Calhoun - An Irishman with a penchant for alcohol and former security guard at Black Mesa.
- Lamarr - The titular headcrab, pet of Dr. Kleiner. Having been tamed (and de-beaked) it is incapable of turning a person into a zombie.
- Wallace Breen - Former administer of Black Mesa, now administer of the entire Earth. Is constantly after Dr. Kleiner due to his late rent payment.
- Judith Mossman - Fiancée to Dr. Breen, quite absent minded and has a habit of accidental inserting double entendre into serious conversations.
- Melanie Land - A widowed melon-growing woman who scratches a living in the wastelands.
- Obediah Fisher - A rich and unscrupulous landowner.
- Mitchum - A bad-tempered Houndeye belonging to Melanie Land.
- Jango - One of Obadiah's cronies
- Peter Orniphobe - 'Victim' of Baron von Tailfeathers
- Baron von Tailfeathers - A pigeon with a taste for destruction.
- Earl Beathan - Once an ordinary citizen, now quite insane after spending eight months trapped with the corpse of his brother-in-law Roderick Thanatos.
- Roderick Thanatos - Married to Earl's sister, until he died that is, he now spends his time being carried around by Earl.
- Odessa Cubbage - A military man turned narrator.
EpisodesEditEpisode Sixty-One: Deserted
Release date: 29th June 2009
Episode Sixty-Two: Barney Really Digs It
Release date: 1st July 2009
Episode Sixty-Three: Isaac Kleiner - Man of the Land?
Release date: 3rd July 2009
Episode Sixty-Four: You Ain't Nothing But A Houndeye
Release date: 6th July 2009
Episode Sixty-Five: Barney Demonstrates His Bottle
Release date: 8th July 2009
Episode Sixty-Six: Bitter Supper
Release date: 10th July 2009
Episode Sixty-Seven:Appropriate Attire
Release date: 13th July 2009
Episode Sixty-Eight: Goodbye, Fred the Beard
Release date: 16th July 2009
Episode Sixty-Nine: In which Breen dyes
Release date: 20th July 2009
Episode Seventy: Mrs Land's Melons Meet a Sticky End
Release date: 23rd July 2009
Episode Seventy-One: Kleiner's Truce
Release date: 27th July 2009
Episode Seventy-Two: Now You're Thinking with Portals!
Release date: 3rd August 2009
Episode Seventy-Three: Melon Theft
Release date: 18th August 2009
Episode Seventy-Four: A Very Special Announcement
Release date: 20th August 2009
Episode Seventy-Five: Fatal Attraction
Release date: 26th August 2009
Episode Seventy-Six: How to Ditch an Irishman
Release date: 7th September 2009
Episode Seventy-Seven: Shine On, Barney
Release date: 14th September 2009
Episode Seventy-Eight: Act of God
Release date: 17th September 2009
Episode Seventy-Nine: Making Up is Easy to - wait, WTF?!
Release date: 21st September 2009
Episode Eighty: Making Up is Easy to Do
Release date: 23rd September 2009
Episode Eighty-One: Go Figure, Miss Lonfigger
Release date: 24th September 2009
Episode Eighty-Two: Something for the Weekend, Sir?
Release date: 25th September 2009
Episode Eighty-Three: In Flagrante Delicto
Release date: 28th September 2009
Episode Eighty-Four: Walkabout
Release date: 1st October 2009
Episode Eighty-Five: This is the Scientist we're looking for
Release date: 2nd October 2009
Episode Eighty-Six: Mother Knows Best
Release date: 3rd October 2009
Episode Eighty-Seven: Is This the End of Lamarr?
Release date: 7th October 2009
Episode Eighty-Eight: Barney he do Mighty Magick
Release date: 9th October 2009
Episode Eighty-Nine: Doctor Breen has a Falling Out
Release date: 12th October 2009
Episode Ninety: A New Way of Being
Release date: 14th October 2009
Episode Ninety-One: Book Three Epilogue
Release date: 17th October 2009
Episode Ninety-Two: Requiem for a Headcrab
Release date: 19th October 2009
Episode Ninety-Three: Misunderstood
Release date: 21st October 2009
Episode Ninety-Four: A Holiday Special
Release date: 23rd October 2009
Episode Ninety-Five: Life Before Lamarr
Release date: 25th October 2009
Episode Ninety-Six: How Roderick Came to Be: Part One
Release date: 26th October 2009
Episode Ninety-Seven: How Roderick Came to Be: Part Two
Release date: 27th October 2009
Episode Ninety-Eight: How Roderick Came to Be: Part Three
Release date: 28th October 2009
Episode Ninety-Nine: How Roderick Came to Be: Part Four
Release date: 2nd November 2009
Episode One Hundred: How Roderick Came to Be: Part Five
Release date: 5th November 2009
Episode One Hundred and One: Poetry Special - The Ballad of Melanie Land
Release date: 9th November 2009